Recovering From: Customer Service + Social Media

Part 2 Being in the customer service industry delayed my ability to put myself first

Having shirts pressed to the extreme and food that came out on a strict schedule were ways restaurants of the 90’s tried to impress their customers. It added a layer to the “customer is always right” attitude that started around 1908 when French holtelier César Ritz said ‘Le client n'a jamais tort’. It was a way to get employees to treat customers with respect.

For me, that ideology meant years of not standing up for myself when I was treated disrespectfully, flat out lied to, or harrassed. It meant that someone who ate an entire bowl of Six Cheese Penne Pasta with Sausage then claimed to be horrified because they didn’t like sausage got it free, and I had to act like it was totally fine- even when they laughed in my face. It meant when I got what was hailed as one of the worst secret shopper reports in company history my biggest crimes were: 1. not wearing enough make up and 2. letting the table know about the extra charge for adding roasted vegetables.

Really what it meant was I was on eggshells all the time. Whatever the customer said was right, and I tried to not get fired by pissing off the wrong person.

Over the many eggshell years I heard it all. The snooty man who assumed I’d open as many bottles of pricy reserve wine as it took for him to decide on his favorite, and then he’d pay for that one. The person who yelled at me because they’d gotten ‘mugged walking to their car after dinner at the restaurant last year’ and I brought them the bill expecting payment for the meal they’d currently eaten. Did they think they should eat free today because they got mugged on the street after their meal a year ago? Yes, yes they did. There was the woman who ran me back and forth to the kitchen for fifteen minutes on a busy Friday night because she was vegan and gluten free and needed to be certain the kitchen understood her requirements. She then asked me to tell her about the halibut special. When I told her it wasn’t vegan she laughed and said “Oh, I’m not vegan all the time. Could you please bring bread?”

Being in customer service meant I became a lesser human. It meant I became invisible. Powerless. It meant when someone straight up called me a bitch to my face I couldn’t say anything if I wanted to keep my job.

As I got older I got braver. One of my great life changing moments comes from that bravery.

I was working a private party of twelve people by myself. It was a busy weekend night and the restaurant was steady, not slammed. The food was taking a long time and they asked for more bread.

My heart sank. I knew that we were almost out of bread, someone forgot to order it. I rushed to the bread warmer and there were two little loaves left. Perfect! I thought. I grabbed a napkin-lined basket and started slicing. I tucked a couple butters next to the bread and that’s when the owner walked up.

“What are you doing?!?” he demanded.

“Taking this bread to my table- I’m on the private party,” I replied.

“You can’t take that! That’s all we have. Put it back,” he commanded.

Something inside me clicked. I had had enough. Enough of taking the blame when it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me who didn’t order the bread, but it was me who would get less of a tip if my table didn’t get more bread.

“I’m taking them bread,” I said, and walked out of the kitchen, my heart racing. Fuck him I thought. And anyway, he was leaving for two and a half weeks on a long tropical vacation the next day. He was just there to remind all of us who was in charge before he took off. I thought I was in the clear- our bread dust up would be a distant memory by the time he got back.

At the end of the night I went to check the new schedule.

I wasn’t on it.

My heart sank.

I found the manager and asked her what was going on. Turns out the owner said I wasn’t allowed to work until he got back from his trip and we had a talk- two and a half weeks from now.

At the time I was 39 years old. Married, with two little kids- 1 and 4. I was part of our income, and I was supposed to just be off for two and a half weeks? What. The. Fuck.

I left, drove home in a state of disbelief, rage, and helplessness. For two days I wracked my brain, searching my mind for a way to get back on the schedule. How could I make this go away?

Then, out of the blue, it hit me. I didn’t have to work for him anymore.

I could call my old chef, see if they needed help. A longer commute wasn’t ideal, but neither was being treated like shit. I solved my problem- there were other restaurants who would be delighted to have me, and I already knew one! I made that call and had a new job immediately.

Later that week I went to pick up my paycheck. Everyone said hello and commiserated with me about how much what happened sucked. I walked to the office to ask my (now former) manager for my check.

“Oh! Amy! I’m so glad to see you. Listen, we need you to work tomorrow and the owner is ok with you working so you’re back on the schedule!”

“I don’t work here anymore,” I said.

Her face fell in disbelief. Of course it did, part of being in customer service is taking it, taking as much as you’re given and coming back for more. With a smile. It felt amazing to know I had given myself a choice. It was in that experience that I found a piece of myself that I never knew I needed- the one that says that respect is a two way street and I am on it. I get respect too.

My anger and rage at being powerless and invisible evaporated when I understood I had that choice- I could stay and continue to be disposable, or I could respect my ability and autonomy and leave.

It took me over twenty years to stand up for myself, and I am still working on recovering from the thoughts, habits, and patterns of being in customer service. I try to remember I don’t have to be overly polite, or put other people’s needs ahead of my own. I don’t have to go last, or just deal with it, or shut up and take it so I don’t lose my job. Those things are hard to get over, hard to unlearn.

It wasn’t until I quit social media last November that I realized how much customer service and social media have in common.