Ohhhhh this made me sad. For you. For me. For anyone who has put themselves through the gyrations to not *need* to fit in, just in case we really don’t. For me, I’m always the helper, the (self proclaimed) expert, the person with experience, the person who can handle all of the hard stuff. The truth is I’m so afraid of not being welcomed in, or belonging, that I would rather work myself to the bone proving how much you need me. An old AA/Alanon speaker said about this very topic one time.....”you may not want me, but I will make damned sure you need me.”
I’m sure this comment doesn’t help anything....but it’s real. 😂😂 Thanks for sharing so honestly! I’m loving reading you!
Annette I felt this comment deeply- the feeling of self as not enough of a reason to be included, that there has to be collateral, it's followed me my whole life. The indispensable puts up with everything friend has been my identity in so many of my friendships and relationships, and it never has resulted in any kind of real, trustworthy feeling of belonging!
It makes me think about God...about love and grace and mercy and how we are given these not because of what we do but just because we ARE. I'm creating a relationship with my idea of God for the first time and it's tough to wrap my head around the idea of: it is the meaning of God to be given these things. No scorecards.
To feel this belonging in our own hearts can be so hard, it's what I'm practicing all the time. Thank you for reading, I am so glad you're here and commenting. :)
Ohhhhh this made me sad. For you. For me. For anyone who has put themselves through the gyrations to not *need* to fit in, just in case we really don’t. For me, I’m always the helper, the (self proclaimed) expert, the person with experience, the person who can handle all of the hard stuff. The truth is I’m so afraid of not being welcomed in, or belonging, that I would rather work myself to the bone proving how much you need me. An old AA/Alanon speaker said about this very topic one time.....”you may not want me, but I will make damned sure you need me.”
I’m sure this comment doesn’t help anything....but it’s real. 😂😂 Thanks for sharing so honestly! I’m loving reading you!
Annette I felt this comment deeply- the feeling of self as not enough of a reason to be included, that there has to be collateral, it's followed me my whole life. The indispensable puts up with everything friend has been my identity in so many of my friendships and relationships, and it never has resulted in any kind of real, trustworthy feeling of belonging!
It makes me think about God...about love and grace and mercy and how we are given these not because of what we do but just because we ARE. I'm creating a relationship with my idea of God for the first time and it's tough to wrap my head around the idea of: it is the meaning of God to be given these things. No scorecards.
To feel this belonging in our own hearts can be so hard, it's what I'm practicing all the time. Thank you for reading, I am so glad you're here and commenting. :)